Letting Go

How do we let go of our children as they grow older?

Well, that depends on how tightly we hold them in control. Love for our children should not mean we control their every move and every detail of their lives.

Love means we teach and prepare our children to be responsible people. This is true whether ADHD is present or not.

Sure, ADHD means some of this takes more time and more persistence by parents and there are times when we need to protect them but we cannot continue to rule their lives into adulthood.

He's some thoughts that I've found helpful raising a child with ADHD:

Accentuate the positive. Find out what they are good at. Give them lots of positive encouragement and the opportunity to pursue what they can do.

Provide good and consistent boundaries and follow through.

Encourage children to take responsibility for their actions by following through with consequences and allow children to experience natural consequences ( within reason and general safety)

Have positive consequences for positive behaviour as well as providing consequences for negative behaviour.

Allow children to have choices (just between a couple of things, too mamy choices is confusing and overwhelming) and encourage follow through. As they grow older, with the appropriate guidance they will learn to make better choices.

Let then make mistakes and talk through with them how they felt about what happened  amd ask them what they can do to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

Always be ready to listen without giving advice unless asked for. Relationship is more important than being right.

Letting go is hard but allows the child to learn responsibility and to make the choices if  relationships are built within strong family parameters (whatever that looks like for your family). Each family is different so find what works.

As a child grows into a teenager and then an adult the way principles are applied need to change. A parent becomes a coach, championing the child along the way and then needs to allow the adult to be an adult.

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